Today, I want to write about something I've been thinking about a lot lately: Family. As in, "There's a rift in our _____," "I couldn't live without my ______," "No one's _____ is as weird as mine," just to reference a few phrases I have heard in the past few days.
Everyone has different opinions about what constitutes, and what is the ideal function of, family. Many people consider their closest friends to be at least as important as their actual relatives in what they would consider their family structures. I can understand that sentiment, as I have many friends with whom I am incredibly close and whom I have known for many, many years. Still I think there is something about family family that is just different.
For one thing, many people spend a lot of time disliking members of their families. All relatives go through ups and downs that sometimes reach Jerry Springer-like extremes. Still, even when hating a family member, we necessarily love that person. I think that's what really makes family unique.
I also think that's a great way to gauge when a significant other should become your spouse. When you can truly love someone even when momentarily hating the shit out of them; that to me means run out and buy that diamond ring because wedding bells are a-ringing... but that's a conversation for another time.
Not completely unrelated though, is how one's definition of family can change in the blink of an eye, like when they find out they're having a baby.
Not to constantly shove all this baby stuff down your throat, but...
Recently I went from having a boyfriend of whom I was extremely fond to having a new family member. As the father of my upcoming child, he has become an incredibly important member of my family structure. Not only that, but he has a whole, big family of his own. So, without the ring or the wedding bells or any of that, I have gained a whole crew of "in-laws" whom I now consider to be family.
I am fortunate to have come into some pretty great family members. I like them a lot. They are lovely, accepting people who have always made me feel welcome and comfortable. Even if they sucked, though, I think my perception of them would have changed through this experience.
Something about knowing your bloodline is getting all mixed up with another person's and making some tiny, hybrid person makes you have more consideration and respect for where that other bloodline came from. If it weren't for my new family there would be no tiny person, and that would be terrible. I love that little guy, and by extension have a lot of love for my baby daddy and his relatives. That's not to say that I did not love them before, it's just a different, more familial love now.
I feel fortunate, aside from having gained a new family that I personally like, to have gained a family where there is a lot of love to go around. Similarly, my family, although by no means perfect, is made up of nice, loving people who I am proud to call my relatives. This is more important than ever, now, because if I'm going to bring another person into this often crappy world, I want him to be surrounded by people who are capable of demonstrating the less crappy aspects of life. I think Tony and I will definitely succeed in providing that benefit for our son, not only through our own love and affection, but through that of our families.
As Martha Stewart would say, "A growing family. It's a good thing."
