They would be surprised by how often we eat shellfish, how infrequently we beat our wives, and how few crimes we consider to be punishable by death.
They'd be super glad it no longer takes weeks to cross a damn desert.
They would be psyched that we allow our leaders to make decisions based on what it says in the Bible, even though we said we wouldn't.
They would be terrified of "The Passion of the Christ."
They'd be bummed Jesus didn't come back yet, saying something like, "I thought he meant in like fifty years or something."
They'd be like, "When I was your age, we only had one denomination, and we had to walk fifty miles to church, across a desert, up sand dunes both ways."
They would think Kirk Cameron is crazy.
They would be glad we haven't made a Jewish person president yet because of, uh, what happened with you-know-who.
They would be impressed by our strong, American hatred for them damn Muz-lems.
They would wonder why we say "Jesus" all the time when we aren't talking about Him.
They would go to zoos to reminisce about camels they once knew.
They would hate Lady Gaga.
They would not think Dane Cook is funny.
They would wonder where all the arks went but freakin' love yachts.
They would think Bono is a tool but be inexplicably drawn to Creed's Scott Stapp.
They would wear Uggs.
They would be completely overwhelmed by the sexualization of society, and probably, like, do it in the streets or something.
They would occupy the shit out of Wall Street.
They would all want iPhone5's.
About Me
- Julia P.
- New Orleans, La, United States
- I like to write about the things in this world that excite, anger, and inspire me.
