Women Have Nipples that have Shapes. Why Do We Hide Them?

I don't know when exactly we all started being required to have perfectly round Barbie tits, but I know it has not always been this way. There was a time when women wore bras that did not 100% disguise the fact that they had nipples, and it was not a noteworthy occurrence. I remember my mother, when I was growing up, had a slew of bras that were just underwire and thin, cotton fabric cups.

If I wore a bra like that, my nips would be on display. I'm not talking about being able to see the full outline and certainly not the color, just the fact that they existed and were raised from the breast. All of my bras are significantly padded, and it still doesn't always 100% do the trick.

Certain celebrities are notorious for having this "problem". Jennfier Aniston, for example, often has a little nippage on display. Still, when she does, people point it out. Like it's news that this woman has nipples. When Anne Hathaway let hers fly at the Oscars this year, it was a story. This is just so asinine to me.

I believe that you have to be the change you want to see in the world, so I will no longer be supporting this notion that the vague shape of nipples is somehow trashy or obscene. These are parts of the female body that are not only beautiful and unique from person to person, but hugely important in the function of motherhood and even sensuality. No more 2" padded bras that completely change the shape of my breasts. No more taping them down in dresses that cannot be worn with a bra.

I'm done. Who's coming with me?

Advertisers Hate Women (Even More Than Other People Do).

The debut Dr. Pepper 10 commercial is the most offensive thing on TV right now, bar none. Jersey folks may hate Jersey Shore and everyone may hate Basketball Wives but not as much as I hate this motherfucking commercial.

For those who have not witnessed this 20 second shit fest, let me give a brief synopsis. Two guys are riding through a stereotypical action film set in some kind of open, military style vehicle with all kinds of bad action movie bullshit happening around them. One of the men says something like, "Hey ladies, are you enjoying this? Of course you're not because this is man stuff." Then some vaguely ethnic guys get stuck in a net and the man drops the commercial's super clever catch phrase: "You can keep your romantic comedies and lady drinks; I'm good." Then, because the point that Doctor Pepper 10 is for men and men are too awesome for girl stuff has not been driven home yet, it says "Dr. Pepper 10: IT'S NOT FOR WOMEN".

Ok, breathe. Here we go.

The idea that "lady things" and feminine qualities are inferior to man stuff is one of the most pervasive and destructive in all of society. While actual servitude and inferior treatment for women have largely been weeded out of Western society, somehow this idea has not. Not when you really look at the way we communicate with each other.

One of the most insulting things one can say to a man is that he is acting like a woman. While tomboyish girls are often considered the "fun girl next door" and allowed to be sexy, feminine men are pretty much universally reviled. Even men who enjoy the company of women in non-sexual capacities tend not to like the qualities associated with women, namely emotional volatility, helplessness, and manipulative thinking/actions.

To make matter worse, most women don't even really like other women for the same reasons. The problem is, I'm not sure these qualities are actually that much more present in women than men. I know just as many women who can one-night-stand and break hearts without getting emotion involved as men. I know for a fact that women can do pretty much whatever the Hell they want, on their own, if they put their mind to it. And men frankly play just as many games as women do, and often without actually understanding the consequences, which is worse in my opinion.

Still, this idea that feminine equals weak is not going anywhere. I have even heard it argued that the reason homosexuality meets so much resistance is because the popular conception of gayness is that it feminizes one or both of the men, and we as a society just can't get down with that. I buy that 100%.

This brings us to the advertising-sucks-ass portion of the post. Women in ads, ninety percent of the time, are one of three things: Sexy, bitchy, or not present and being mocked. The rare exception to this rule is the occasional quirky-yet-funny girl like the crazy Target lady or the "Drop it Like it's Hot" awful soda girl. (I forgot the name of that soda.) Good for Target and Awful Soda. Good for them.

Everyone else, though, is guilty of perpetuating the idea that stuff for women is stupid or bad because women are stupid or bad, unless they are sexy, in which case they are sexy and stupid and probably also bad.

(Edit: The previous paragraph is way, way too general, in hindsight. "Lady stuff is bad," is unsurprisingly not the strategy used in marketing products to women, such as household goods and cosmetics. Home goods often employ the bitchy/domineering woman, who annoys me, but at least she is given some power. The beauty industry is just awful for us a gender, but we love our makeup.) Still...

Dr. Pepper is the worst offender. If you are a woman, DO NOT BUY DR. PEPPER 10. They said explicitly that it is not for you. Their product is too good for you. So let them survive off of the ten men who drink 10 calorie soda. When that doesn't work, they can choke on a big, feminine, gay dick and die.