1. All of Suburbia is a hell populated by manipulative, base, and cowardly people who lack any creativity at all.
2. Suburban women, in particular, are only motivated by spite, sex, or a strange belief in the constant presence of Satan.
3. Social norms and etiquette are significantly less important than poetry (even limericks)and love.
4. There are people in this world who are attractive enough to make gineys tingle even when covered in a pancake-like pallor and rocking a Robert Smith hairdo, sunken eyes, and awkward suspenders.
5. Gaining a hundred pounds or so of muscle will greatly change your typecast, even if you were in "Breakfast Club".
6. "Ambrosia Salad" is a euphemism for sex.
7. Trimming bushes into unique shapes is a highly valued skill in this world, as is creating asymmetrical hair styles.
8. It doesn't matter if the object of a girl's affection is truly human as long as she is embracing an opportunity to relieve her teenage angst.
9. Suburban teenagers seek revenge most often through intricate schemes involving fake burglary and outright betrayal.
10. Snow is always the result of the creation of very large ice sculptures atop a high hill.
