Women Have Nipples that have Shapes. Why Do We Hide Them?

I don't know when exactly we all started being required to have perfectly round Barbie tits, but I know it has not always been this way. There was a time when women wore bras that did not 100% disguise the fact that they had nipples, and it was not a noteworthy occurrence. I remember my mother, when I was growing up, had a slew of bras that were just underwire and thin, cotton fabric cups.

If I wore a bra like that, my nips would be on display. I'm not talking about being able to see the full outline and certainly not the color, just the fact that they existed and were raised from the breast. All of my bras are significantly padded, and it still doesn't always 100% do the trick.

Certain celebrities are notorious for having this "problem". Jennfier Aniston, for example, often has a little nippage on display. Still, when she does, people point it out. Like it's news that this woman has nipples. When Anne Hathaway let hers fly at the Oscars this year, it was a story. This is just so asinine to me.

I believe that you have to be the change you want to see in the world, so I will no longer be supporting this notion that the vague shape of nipples is somehow trashy or obscene. These are parts of the female body that are not only beautiful and unique from person to person, but hugely important in the function of motherhood and even sensuality. No more 2" padded bras that completely change the shape of my breasts. No more taping them down in dresses that cannot be worn with a bra.

I'm done. Who's coming with me?

Reasons I Love Bravo's Princesses: Long Island

Princesses: Long Island is Bravo's train wreck about late-20s Jewish girls who live with their parents on Long Island. I began watching because a friend has connections to one of the characters and has all the inside scoop, but I quickly found other reasons to delight in this disaster, as well.

Photo: Bravo

The show follows Chanel Omari, who is a good Jewish girl who observes the traditional Sabbath and is searching for a husband, and her friends: Casey, the artsy "city girl"; Amanda, the annoying-voiced dingbat who is way too proud of her doofy boyfriend; Ashlee the 4'9", 30 year old daddy's girl; Erica the drunk boyfriend thief, and Joey, who is just kind of Joey and seems ok so far. Two episodes have aired so far, and here is why you should watch:

1. The "Previously On".
This show has the best previously on segment I've ever seen. They show clips from previous episodes, obviously, and one character narrates the past action. The twist that for some reason delights me to no end is that the narrator says lines from past episodes and they sync the video and audio, so you have one person doing everyone's voices and editorializing with their tone of voice. I wish the whole show was just a previously on.

2. People in their late 20's acting like high school kids
This is obviously unattractive in real life, but it's hilarious to me on TV. These girls almost all live with their parents and hang out with the same group of girl friends they have been hanging out with since they were teenagers. As a result, they haven't matured past that part of their life in many ways. Episode two was centered around drama between Casey and Erica because Erica stole Casey's boyfriend in high school. While Casey certainly has a right to resent that occurrence, it seems to me that there should be a statute of limitations on showing up to a party at which you know Erica will be present, giving her the cold shoulder, and then telling her to shut up because everything coming out of her mouth is stupid bullshit in the middle of Shabbat dinner. That about covers how marvelous that whole situation is.

3. The over-inflated egos
The girls on this show spend a lot of time talking about how on LONG ISLAND your value is determined by the car you drive and the clothes you wear, etc. On LONG ISLAND, the "it girls" all have the nicest, newest stuff. (A lot of it is animal print and very, very tight). Anyway, these girls all have the nice things, and they have spent a lot of time with their parents blowing loving, fragranced smoke up their asses, and it may have made some of them a little delusional. None of them are overly attractive or interesting, but they think they are, and that somehow makes them interesting.

4. The desperate man search, and its results
A large part of this show is focused on the single girls talking about how important it is to find a husband ASAP. They are 27-29 years old and they can simply feel their ovaries shriveling right up inside of them.  The girls who have found boyfriends (notably the endlessly irritating Amanda) are 1) way to quick to insist that he is "the one" and 2) Blissfully unaware of how goony and unattractive their men are. It's just bad, y'all.
Amanda's boyfriend=This Guy

So, in conclusion, you should all watch this show, but do not judge the Jewish or Long Island communities at large from it. In fact, don't judge any community at large based on reality TV shows, even West Virginians via Buck Wild.